


everything is easier when you're home.

by snugglyduckling



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: F/F, Genderbending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:40:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snugglyduckling/pseuds/snugglyduckling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nina’s careless, uplifting giggles calmed Benny’s nerves, made her forget about the heat and her grandmother and the growing wet spot from Benny’s clothes on the floor of the office.</p><p>Nina made everything better."</p><p>(or: in the heights needed to be more sapphic so usnavi and benny are now female and in the heights is about lesbians sorry)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. then i ran like hell!

**Author's Note:**

> this all started because of this thought i posted on my tumblr ( http://rapuhnzel.tumblr.com/post/145522113185/im-serious-about-this-sapphic-in-the-heights ) and the fact that every time i listen to "when you're home" i imagine how cute it would be if it was gay idk this is just who i am as a person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first flashback from a line in "when you're home."

Benny's mother didn't have much-- hell, no one in the neighborhood had much. But they did have tools, a reminder of a faded memory of Benny's father that she never cared much for. Her father hadn't left them much, but he did leave a toolbox behind when he took off into the night.

It was probably meaningless to him. Just a box of rusty hammers, screwdrivers, nails that went with nothing. But there was a wrench, and THAT was what Benny was interested in.

It got hot during July, which meant Benny's mother was always preoccupied with making sure that Grandma had a cold glass of water and a fan by her side at all times. Which only made it that much easier for Benny to sneak her father's old wrench outside to the fire hydrant near the corner of her apartment. 

Small, bare feet crept down the stairs, the cold metal in her hand keeping her mind on her task. She pushed the door open and, immediately, the hot, dry air added extra weight to her shoulders. She hissed when her foot touched the searing sidewalk (it almost reminded her of when she was younger and she and her friends would pretend the floor in Nina's living room was made of lava; at a full 11 years, she's much too old for silly things like that), but continued on in the shadow of the building until she reached the yellow fire hydrant on the corner, the paint peeling off from years of being used as a seat, an armrest, a bike rack. Today it would go to much better use.

With all the strength she had, she hit the cap on the side of the hydrant with her father's wrench, the clang of metal on metal giving a voice to the empty street, a companion to the singing of the piragua man making his rounds.

Benny huffed, looking at her metal opponent with fierce eyes. Her efforts continued, each hit to the cap creating a strange sort of rhythm.

"Are you opening that thing up again?"

Vanessa had set her bike down on the pavement next to Benny's workspace.

"Yep," she said. No time to waste on long answers when she was doing a job like this.

A smile grew on Vanessa's face. "Awesome! I'll go get Usnavi!"

She ran off, entrusting Benny with her bike. The cap was getting looser, having slightly shifted from its base. A small trickle of water was leaking, leaving a dark spot on the sidewalk.

By the time Vanessa returned with Usnavi, a small crowd had formed, some with towels, others simply making a line of shoes and socks on the sidewalk behind the hydrant. The cap itself was nearly off.

"I got Usnavi," Vanessa said, holding up her friend's hand triumphantly.

"Where's Nina?" Benny responded-- things were always better with Nina.

Vanessa shrugged. "At the dispatch office, probably."

Benny's wrench clattered to the floor. "She's gonna miss out."

And with one swift kick, the cap was off, and floods of cold water drenched the sun worn pavement and the sun worn people standing on it.

Benny's mother never liked it when she did this, but she'd worked hard, and she was going to enjoy it. She stood out in front of the steady flow, arms wide, welcoming the cool rush of water. Her hair was dripping, her clothes were soaked, her face was drenched, and her neighbors were having the time of their lives, splashing in puddles and relishing in the relief something cold brought on a day like this. Usnavi and Vanessa were dancing in the outflow, laughing as mist rained down on them.

And then, as usual, the sirens echoed from a couple streets down, the screeches bouncing off the towering apartment buildings, and the crowd scattered.

Benny, for one, panicked. She definitely couldn't go home like this-- her mom would be less than happy, to say the least. She couldn't just stay here either, not with the fire department coming. So she took off running, in no particular direction, her feet stinging each time they hit the street. She knew Usnavi would tell her to go to Abuela Claudia's house; it was the safe haven for all the other kids in the neighborhood, a place where they were always greeted with a hug and a smile.

But Benny wasn't like all the other kids, and Abuela Claudia was never hers. So she kept running past Claudia's apartment complex, past the bodega Usnavi's parents owned, past the hair salon, and right towards Rosario's Dispatch Service. 

It would have to do.

She flung the door open and hurriedly pushed it shut, leaning her back against the glass and breathing hard.

Nina was looking at her from behind the desk, a book in her hands. She blinked, frowning. "Don't tell me you opened that fire hydrant again."

Benny shrugged. "It's hot out there, Nina."

Nina sighed, folding down the corner of her book and looking back at the doorway leading into the dispatch room. "Benny, if my father catches you here-"

"If I catch who here?"

Kevin Rosario's eyes moved from his daughter to Benny, who was dripping water all over his carpet and looking very guilty.

"I'm sorry Mr. Rosario, I just-"

"Did you consider that someone is going to get blamed for your little act of defiance, Benny?"

That wasn't true-- assuming no one stuck around, no one would be there to be blamed. But she was in no place to argue with Mr. Rosario. "N-no, sir."

He shook his head. "And now you expect me to let you wait here while someone else cleans up your mess, right?"

Benny glanced at Nina. She gave her an apologetic look, before glancing back at her dad.

"I'm sorry sir, but everyone else was running and I panicked. Your office was the first building I came across that I knew. I'll just go."

She waved half-heartedly at Nina and then turned to walk back out the door.

"Benny."

Her name being spit out of Mr. Rosario's mouth like bad food made her jump.

"Yes?"

"Just stay there. Don't get any more of my floor wet please. Nina, don't we have some paper towels in the back?"

Nina nodded, smiling at Benny before she went into the back office to grab the towels.

"You have one hour," Mr. Rosario told Benny and then went back into the room Nina was just walking out of.

Nina shook her head as she walked over to Benny to hand her the roll of towels. "You've got to stop getting yourself into trouble, Benny. "

Benny shrugged, using a thin paper towel to collect the beads of water that had come together on her skin. "Everyone else seems to enjoy it. Why didn't you come out?"

Nina laughed, jerking a thumb towards the office doorway. "With him here? I can barely pick up the stapler without there being a fuss."

Benny laughed at that—it wasn’t even that funny, really, but anyone other than Nina’s mother badmouthing Kevin Rosario was practically unheard of-- and Nina kept laughing, and soon they were both on the floor, their uncontrollable fit of childish laugher breaking through the still quiet of Rosario's Dispatch.

Nina’s careless, uplifting giggles calmed Benny’s nerves, made her forget about the heat and her grandmother and the growing wet spot from Benny’s clothes on the floor of the office  
Nina made everything better.


	2. i'd see you rappin' with your buddies!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the second flashback from a line in "when you're home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning i do not speak spanish but i am trying okay. tell me if something is incorrect please

"Aw, come on Usnavi, quit playin'! We all see the way you look at Vanessa!"

Benny laughed along with everyone else at Usnavi's blush, tinted by the fluorescent orange beams cast onto her cheeks by the streetlight above them. 

Usnavi smacked the arm of the girl who'd spoken up, Spanish harshly rolling off her tongue.

Benny chuckled along with everyone else, a cover up for the fact that she hadn't understood a single word of Usnavi's presumable insult.

Their foreign banter continued, accents and rolled r's mingling with Usnavi's favorite Big Pun tape that she had blasting out of her boombox. They'd played it so many times, parts of the songs were beginning to squeak, a distinguishable difference from the tape's original state.

Benny zoned out from the conversation. The ribbing hadn't returned to English yet-- sometimes Benny thought the rest of the group forgot about her disadvantage, forgot about all the times she skipped their evening hangout to study for Spanish tests the rest of them passed with flying colors only to be grounded for her failing grade. Instead, her eyes danced along the metals and concretes of the neighborhood she knew so well.

The fading sunlight bounced off of the fire escapes, illuminated the tags on the walls left by budding graffiti artists. The breeze blew leaves into the three potholes along the road next to their spot at Bennett Park. It was all so familiar, so unchanging, so stable, and yet their neighborhood was so different from when Benny and her family had first moved in. Usnavi's parents, Benny's grandmother, Vanessa's father, all gone forever. Vanessa herself spent so much time working at Daniela and Carla's salon or at home with her mother or out with boys (Benny would be lying if she said she didn't notice how much that hurt Usnavi) that it was hard to keep track of her. Usnavi was learning to run her parents' shop and taking care of her little cousin, Sonny. Benny was working for the Rosarios and taking care of her mother day and night. And Nina...

They never saw much of Nina anymore, not with the after school study sessions, extra Spanish lessons, academic decathlon, SAT prep...Nina was much too busy for them nowadays. Not that Benny could be mad. Nina was the talk and pride of the barrio, the one who managed to rise up and become someone that was better than Washington Heights.

But there were always these evenings. Benny, Usnavi, and the others would sit out on the steps near the street, their aging music blaring down the streets, chattering, watching the younger children move inside for the night. And every night, at 7:30, like clockwork, Nina would come walking down the sidewalk from the library towards the Rosario's apartment, books in hand. Sometimes her nose would be buried in some kind of review book or a homemade set of flashcards. It was a comforting constancy, a sight that always left a fluttering feeling in Benny's chest.

Her eyes finally came to rest on one of the fire hydrants near the park, memories of hiding out under the front desk of Rosario's Dispatch Service flooding into her mind. Nina was always there too, with her textbooks and worksheets and a smile that turned Benny's world inside out every time.

"Nina! ¿Qué tal?" Usnavi called out as Nina hurried by. The others joined in, calls of "Hey Nina!" and "There goes the barrio's best!" ringing out along side the squeaks on the tape and the breeze through the trees and the piragua guy pushing his cart quietly on his way home.

"Hey guys," Nina said, with that familiar smile.

And then her eyes moved to meet Benny's, and she stopped, shifting her books in her arms. "Hey Benny."

She smiled shyly at the ground and kept walking, her bag hitting her leg with each step.

Benny let out a breath she didn't know she was holding when Usnavi smacked her shoulder. "Dude-- you gotta go. Go walk her home. That was totally on purpose, man."

Benny stood, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets. "Yeah, I should get going anyway. My mom wasn't feelin' too well again today, you know, and after what happened with-" 

"Mierda, dude, just go!"

She nodded, a small smile on her face. "See y'all tomorrow."

And then she turned, taking off towards Nina, her worn out Converse smacking against the sidewalk. She could still hear Usnavi's radio as she got further from the park, running into the empty street.

"Hey, Nina! Wait up!"


	3. maybe it's just me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for death. in case you can't read it bc of that, just know benny's mom died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one isn't exceedingly gay but i felt like it was important to benny's story in that he is, obviously, isolated from the rest of the community due to language barriers and race and all and since he never mentions a family in the musical i juat wanted to snatch that little piece of comfort away from my benny too, because i'm satan

The coolness of the concrete steps was the only thing keeping Benny grounded. The stark contrast from the thick, hot air kept her in the barrio, in this little corner that held so many memories for so long.

Benny's mother died at 8:49 am.

Some kind of undetected cancer, something in her lungs-- her immune system had been weakened by another bout of pneumonia, and her body finally just...gave up. Benny was out with some girl, someone to distract her from Nina's nearing departure, lost track of time, didn't come home till it was already too late ('excuses, excuses', her mom would have said) until her mother was on the floor of the bedroom, the glass of water she'd gone to retrieve from the kitchen drenching their carpet. The ice hadn't even melted yet.

And then the paramedics arrived, and then the police, and Benny had to answer the same questions over and over again, had to see the heartbreak on the faces of her neighbors. 

Daniela and Carla had been first, walking by on their morning trip to the salon. 

"Ay, Benny, what kind of trouble are you causing now?" Daniela said, glancing at the emergency vehicles, a playful smirk on her face as she took a sip from her cup of coffee, made by Usnavi no doubt.

Benny was on the stoop outside her and her mother's apartment, her head in her hands, elbows on her knees, a rough blanket around her shoulders, a completely useless addition to the already blazing morning. 

Daniela's face fell, the smirk disappearing along with her amused tone. "What is it? What happened?"

Benny shook her head-- Daniela meant well, of course, but Benny didn't want her mother to be the latest neighborhood gossip, just another piece of news shared around a cut and shampoo. 

"Benny? Are you okay?" Carla asked this time, her usually cheery tone taking on a note of concern.

"My mom," was all Benny could get out-- the response was sufficient, however. The ladies' eyebrows raised as they glanced at each other. Hushed, rapid Spanish started between the two of them, whispers in a language Benny could never understand. Another reminder of how alone she was now.

"Don't you have jobs to be getting to?"

Benny would probably feel sorry for being so bitter later.

Next came Vanessa. She'd sat with her for a few minutes, a gentle, friendly hand on Benny's back. She'd offered to to find Usnavi or Nina, offered to get Benny a coffee, but Benny refused-- she had to learn how to take care of herself from now on, needed to stop asking for favors or help now that she was on her own.

She assumed someone had told Mr. Rosario why she wasn't at work. She would have gone had she remembered; she needed to be making as much as possible, now that she was paying for the apartment, the food, the water, the electricity. 

And now here she was, sitting alone on her front steps as the police walked around her apartment, leaving an air of tragedy with every step they took. Benny's eyes were glued to the gum-stained sidewalk, the sounds of passing cars and the singing piragua man floating over her in some familiar haze. 

The sound of two of the paramedics retrieving a gurney from their car broke Benny out of her reverie, reminded her of why she was sitting here and why there were emergency vehicles on the street.

She didn't really remember walking to the park, but there she was, sitting on the shady steps she'd sat on with Usnavi and the others so many nights. Benny's mother always told her to be home by 10, and no matter how much Benny complained, her mom never budged. No later than 10, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Benny supposed there was no curfew now. No mother's intuition sending shivers up her spine when she tried to sneak in at 11, no meals waiting in the microwave, no one waiting on the sofa with a late night talk show playing on whatever channel they could afford. 

No one to reason with Mr. Rosario if Benny got into trouble, no one to make sure she always had her coat on in the winter, no one to mend the holes in her shoes or the runs in her tights.

No one. 

"Benny?"

Nina was standing at the bottom of the steps with a bottle of water and a sandwich on a plate.

"My mom told me. About what happened. So I made you this, because I knew you wouldn't be thinking about yourself at all, and I went by your place, but you weren't there, and..."

Nina's sentence trailed off as she sighed and walked up the steps, gently placing the plate down and sitting next to Benny. 

"I'm so sorry, Benny."

"I don't know what to do, Nina. I've...I've never not had my mom. And now I've got no one." 

Nina stayed quiet as she took Benny's hand, a comforting smile on her face.

"Not quite no one."


	4. this is benny on the dispatch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally we get into the canon plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a) i don't speak spanish  
> b) i live in california so if the slightly changed directions i gave are wrong sorry

Benny's alarm went off at 4:30 sharp every day.

From 4:30 to 6, she straightened and tamed her curly, wild mess of hair (she had to match everyone else in the barrio to make a good impression when they got in her cab, and Mr. Rosario made sure Benny knew that natural wasn't going to cut it). At 6, she picked out one of two work outfits she had-- dress shirt and slacks, or dress shirt and a skirt. No need for breakfast-- the Milky Way she got every morning on her trip to Usnavi's bodega would suffice. She purchased the same things every single morning-- her chocolate bar, a Daily News, a New York Post, and, most importantly, what would be Mr. Rosario's second coffee of the day, with one cream and five sugars. 

It wasn't exactly Benny's ideal morning, but it was the routine she'd had in place for all five years she'd worked at Rosario's Dispatch, and it had kept her boss mostly happy with her, which kept Benny in her tiny apartment. So it was her morning.

July 3 was the hottest day of the year, and it was making Benny late. The humidity meant her hair just wouldn't straighten, and after almost two hours of trying to flatten it out, she finally tied it in a ponytail and hoped Mr. Rosario would approve.

She walked in the door at exactly 7:05am, pushing it open with her hip and keeping a very careful eye on the still-steaming coffee in her hand.

"Benny, you're late." 

Benny inhaled sharply, holding out her boss' coffee. "Right-- sorry, sir. The heat was making me a little sluggish this morning."

Kevin Rosario took a sip of his coffee before turning back to the dispatch radio, dealing out directions and orders in Spanish. Benny had spent years sitting in the back room of this dispatch office, memorizing the papers tacked onto the wall and Camila's typing patterns and the way that Mr. Rosario's voice sounded just a little friendlier in Spanish.

Benny made her way over to Camila, handing her that day's issue of the New York Post, a smile on her face. "Y para la señora." 

Mrs. Rosario took the paper, nodding. "Gracias, Benny. You're learning."

"I'm trying, Mrs. Rosario."

She smiled warmly at Benny before digging into the stack of bills on the counter, small sounds of worry and disgust from Camila breaking through the usual buzz of the office in the early morning. And, just like every day, Mr. and Mrs. Rosario got into an argument about the finances of the business-- Camila pointed out things to be taken care of, but Kevin always refused and postponed. 

Benny wasn't exactly thinking when she opened her mouth; more just tired of the constant arguing in the office.

"Hey boss? Maybe I could cover the radio for you. I-I've seen you do it so many times. I think I can handle it." 

Mr. Rosario scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You don't speak any Spanish."

"I've been in this neighborhood for 16 years, sir. I think you're underestimating me." 

"Look at yourself, Benny. It doesn't matter how long you've been here or how much Spanish you can butcher. You aren't Latina."

Benny opened her mouth to speak, and probably say something she'd regret, but Camila cut her off. 

"Oh, Kevin, please, as if you spoke perfect English when we came here. Benny is an honorary Latina, a member of our community, and she can do the job just fine."

Kevin handing Benny the dingy old microphone was the last thing she was expecting, but Benny took the thing with a smile, putting the earpiece up to her ear, the crackle adding a new depth to the sound in the office. 

"Alright y'all, you got a new voice on now."

Mr. Rosario sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just...get them where they need to be."

"You got it boss."

Hesitantly, the Rosarios left the office, Camila with a smile, and Kevin with his usual scowl. Benny followed them out the door with her eyes, kicking her feet up on the desk as soon as the door was closed.

"Yo, yo, yo, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing, 1, 2, 3. Good morning everyone, y'all got Benny on the dispatch now!"

She'd been expecting someone to say something back.

"Right...uh, attention-- or, uh, atención! Honk if you want it!"

An orchestra of car horns made their presence known over the earpiece, and a smile crept over Benny's face.

"Okay, so, looks like there's some traffic on the west side, in which case you're gonna get off at 79th but stay in the left lane on Riverside. Of course, west end ain't too bad if you happen to catch all the lights-- oh, and, uh, don't take the Deegan! Manny Ramirez is playing this weekend, traffic is crazy. So just, take route 87--"

The bell on the door rang, and Benny quickly put her feet back on the floor. 

"Hey Benny."

Benny sat up a little straighter, setting the microphone to the side. Nina's warm smile brought a sort of brightness to the dull grays and browns of the office, and Benny's heart fluttered at the familiarity of it all. Nina made the neighborhood feel like home again.

"Nina! I didn't-- no one told me you were coming home so soon!"

Nina's eyes darted to the floor uncomfortably. "Right. Have you seen..."

"Your parents? They just went out for a minute, they'll be back soon."

"I guess I came in at the wrong time then."

"I wouldn't say the wrong time; it's always good to see your face. It's been such a long time..."

Nina's shoulders seemed to relax, her eyes softening at Benny's words.

"It- it was really nice to see you too Benny. I missed you."

The words hung in the air for a moment, hovering around Benny's head like a cloud of Vanessa's strongest perfume until Nina broke the silence.

"I should get going."

"Hang on-- you ran this dispatch, yeah?"

Nina smirked, shrugging playfully. "Once, twice max."

"Watch this."

Benny took the microphone again, injecting confidence into her directions. "Make sure you watch out for the accident at the intersection of 10th and the Jacob Javitz, and don't get stuck in the traffic on 192nd either, looks like we got some kinda double decker bus wreck or something out there." 

Benny smiled at Nina, motioning for her to come behind the desk. "Okay y'all, we got a special guest here I'm sure you all know--"

Benny continued, despite Nina's half-hearted protests.

"--she looks mad stressed, so give her your warmest welcome. I present to you, the barrio's very best, Nina Rosario!" 

Nina rolled her eyes, laughing. "Hello, good morning everyone!" 

The two of them started laughing, light, careless giggles that sounded so much like the laughs they'd try to stifle from the floor of this very office in their childhood. The anxiety Nina had walked in with was gone, dissolving with their laughter-- until Nina stepped away from the microphone suddenly, backing out from behind the desk.

"Um-- thanks, Benny, but I really should find my parents."

Benny nodded, her words dripping with the utmost sincerity. "Anytime. Anytime at all, Nina."

Nina quickly waved, smiling tightly before turning for the door. 

Benny just couldn't watch her leave again.

"Nina!"

Nina turned to look back at her.

"Why don't you just wait here? With me? It's gotta be getting hot out there, you shouldn't be walking around in this heat. Crank up the air conditioning, pull up a chair. Stay here with me." 

Nina paused, a small smile making its way onto her face before she started walking back behind the desk, nodding slowly. 

"Yeah, okay."


	5. i wanna show you all i know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you're home!!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey this one was super duper hard to figure out how to do so if it's a little :/// just remember that and also that it's 2:30am

"You know," Nina began. "I used to think we lived at the top of the world."

They were sitting together on Abuela Claudia's stoop, the heat practically making them one with the concrete. By the time Benny had gotten out of work, she'd heard the news about Nina three times (once from the mailman, once from Vanessa, and once from Camila and Kevin, when they were speaking just a little too loudly in the office), making it fairly easy to find her, sinking into herself in the next best place to the fire escape at her apartment.

Benny had sat down wordlessly, unbuttoning the sleeves to her shirt and rolling them up to the elbow, ignoring her now naturally curled hair. Nina had scooted a bit closer so their sides were pressed together, adding an extra layer of body heat Benny didn't mind.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd look at the subway map, and I'd see that Washington Heights was at the top, so I just assumed..."

"What about the Bronx?"

Nina chuckled. "The Bronx was just a place in the sky."

Benny gave a small smile, unable to recall any childhood fantasies that could be relatable to the layered world Nina seemed to have lived in. Benny had had to drop things like that much younger-- as soon as her mom started getting sick, it was mostly work, save for the occasional evening outing or opening up the fire hydrant.

Nina put her hands on the step behind her (her fingers brushed right against Benny's--neither of them made a point of moving) and kept going.

"I thought that the 1/9 just went straight to my house too."

"They closed down the 9."

"Right."

With the warm breeze blowing and the choruses of the piragua guy echoing through the streets, Benny could almost imagine herself as a little girl again, sitting on these steps with Nina, talking about trivial things like what they wanted to be when they grew up or what they would do with a million dollars. Nina had tried to tutor Benny in Spanish a few times; they'd sat on this very step with flashcards once. Benny never got over 3 of them correct (maybe her tutor was too distracting...). 

Nina seemed to have the same thought.

"Remind me of what it was like. Living at the top of the world."

Benny looked over at her, a smirk growing across her lips as she made a bold move in grabbing Nina's hand and pulling her down the street.

"Come with me."

First came the fire hydrant on the corner, years of peeling, fading, and repainting leaving it unchanged from the way it'd looked when they were kids. Memories of kicking the cap off and washing away the hardships of the barrio, even just for a few minutes, came flooding back to Benny, and even better memories of laughing sopping wet and having conversations just a little too close in the back of dispatch office came back to both of them.

"Life was easier then," Nina said, a sort of sad smile on her face.

Benny glanced over at her, the sun shining and the breeze blowing through Nina's hair. "Nina, everything is easier when you're home."

Nina blushed. "What?"

"I mean it. Driving through the streets, going into work-- it's all easier. The neighborhood is kinder when you're home." 

"Benny..."

"When you're here, Nina, everything seems clearer."

Nina didn't say anything in reply, leaving Benny with a knot in her stomach-- had she gone too far?

"But maybe that's just me."

She took Nina's hand again, moving along on their tour of the neighborhood. They moved own the street a ways to the park where Benny used to sit with Usnavi and the other girls from school, playing their tapes and making fun of each other. Benny left early whenever Nina had her extra classes in the evening, making sure she could walk her home.

Next they moved past the hair salon, and Usnavi's bodega, stopping to watch street performers and say their hellos to the piragua man. 

They finally came to rest under a tree in the park, sitting in the quiet of the midday just as they had on Claudia's front step.

"Nina?"

"Yeah?"

"I meant what I said earlier. About everything being better when you're home."

Nina turned away, her eyes fixated on the top of one of the buildings. "Benny..."

"I mean it. You come around and waking up is easier, walking the streets is easier, hell, even the heat seems a little cooler. And maybe all that's just me, but I know I speak for all of us when I say that when you're home, you make the neighborhood sing. You're the star of the barrio, Nina. We're proud of you. I mean, I'm proud of you."

"Don't say that."

The knot in Benny's stomach returned, a weight pressing down on her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"Benny..." Nina sighed. "When I was a little girl, I had this...fantasy. Of what my life would haven been like if I had never come here, if I'd stayed in Puerto Rico. With the people who would understand me and my problems. Who would I be?"

She paused, turning to look back at the ground with a sigh. 

"My entire life, I've done everything I could to figure it out. I studied, I got scholarships, I learned Spanish. And then I got to Stanford, thinking the answer would be wrapped up in a box in my dorm when I got there, but every day I'd wake up, and I'd feel wrong. Like I didn't belong there. So, please, don't say you're proud of me. Not when all I've done is disappoint people." 

Benny's eyes were locked on Nina's face as she studied the blades of grass with the same concentration as she'd studied The Great Gatsby or calculus back in high school, her eyes scanning over each dry clump growing out from the hard dirt. 

There was no hesitation when Benny took her hand, intertwining their fingers with a comforting smile.

"Then can I say that I couldn't get my mind off you all day? Or any day? You might think you've disappointed us, Nina, but whenever you find your place, you're gonna end up changing the whole world. And this little neighborhood is gonna be able to brag and say, 'Yeah, Nina Rosario lived here. We knew her.'"

The smile returned to Nina's face, and she squeezed Benny's hand, leaning into her side.

"You know what? I get what you mean now. Everything is easier when I'm home. When you're here with me."


	6. congratulations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nina's welcome home dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is later and a little shorter than usual-- had some writer's block lately, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> also it's 3am so if it gets a little iffy i'm really sorry. the club/blackout is next so i promise to make that one really good

Benny could hear Camila's favorite record skipping in the kitchen as she walked in the door of the Rosario's apartment. She quickly smoothed put her white blazer before walking into the kitchen, her one pair of heels clicking on the tile as she entered the kitchen. 

"Hey, put the music back on!" 

A chorus of greetings came from various points in the room-- one from Claudia, one from Vanessa, one from Camila, one from Usnavi, and a shy smile from Nina. Usnavi put a bottle of wine on the table, and Benny set down the box she'd been carrying ("Pastel de guava for dessert," she'd said, tripping over the unfamiliar accent but trying nonetheless) next to it before going to stand off to the side. 

"So, Ms. West Village, do I owe you any champagne?" Usnavi asked Vanessa, and lighthearted conversation began over the dinner table, Camila walking from the dining room to the kitchen all the while (Benny caught Nina looking at her once, but Nina looked back to Vanessa before Benny could let her know she'd seen). 

"...we should all go dancing later!" Nina suggested, jumping into the conversation with a millisecond's glance at Benny-- an invitation. 

"Hey, if there's AC, I'm in," Benny said, putting her hands in her back pockets. 

Usnavi smiled at Benny. "Vanessa and I actually already have plans." 

"Yeah, come with us! The more friends the better, right?" Vanessa replied, not seeing the way Usnavi's face fell as she began to pick at her chipping nails.

"You know it....friend!" 

"I've never seen the west side highway so crowded before!" Kevin said as he came through the door, saving the conversation from the awkward dive it was taking. Benny greeted her boss politely as the others got kisses and hugs and compliments. Benny let them do their thing-- she didn't belong there anyway. 

"...serve yourselves, plates are in the kitchen!" Camila said.

Mr. Rosario stopped the stampede into tbe kitchen with his stern voice. "Ay! Not so fast. I have some big news!" 

Benny hesitantly moved back into the dining room with the others before Kevin began a story she'd heard more than once, about how he and Camila had come to America to make a future for themselves. Benny was zoning out of the conversation, the Spanish and English melting together in their familiar way of isolating her from everything in the neighborhood. 

"Nina, I sold the business to pay for your tuition!" 

The room ceased all other movement and sound. Benny's blood ran cold-- he'd said it so cheerfully, so...carelessly. As if Benny wasn't even there (and, really, was she?). Their voices began to mingle together again as Benny struggled to breathe, her vision blurring slightly with the new weight on her shoulders. It hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Did I just lose my job?" 

"Of course not, Benny," Camila said, in her confident, motherly tone. But it didn't matter. Benny knew better than anyone that when Mr. Rosario said something, it was now law. No way around it, no changes unless Kevin said so himself-- and this time, he didn't seem to be budging. 

Nina finally spoke up on Benny's behalf. "What about your employees?"

The small show of support gave Benny an ounce of courage. "You can't just kick us to the curb like that!"

"Yeah, and your drivers make up half my income!" Usnavi said, her eyes narrowed.

"I'm not here to take care of you all! MY family comes first, above all else!" Kevin was shouting now, something that usually made Benny run with her tail behind her legs, but without her job, what did she have left to lose?

"Hey, the day you hired me, you said I was family!"

Kevin laughed bitterly. "And that's called business! This is my daughter!" 

Camila shook her head, looking at Benny and Usnavi. "You are ALL my family, and I swear, Rosario's isn't going anywhere." 

Kevin stepped towards his wife. "I'm making that damn deal, and you can't stop me."

Camila's hands were balled up into fists now. "This is OUR business!"

"It was in my name."

"You know what? Dinner is over!"

Camila ran out of the room, her wooden spoon still in her hand. 

"Guess I'd better go too, since I'm not good enough to dine with the bourgeoisie," Vanessa spat, shaking her head as she left the apartment. Usnavi walked Claudia out as well, leaving just Benny, Nina, and Kevin. 

Nina walked over to Benny, reaching for her hand. "I'm going to fix-"

"Nina," Kevin said, his voice dripping with the same disgust it'd always had in regards to Benny. "You stay away from her."

Benny put her hands up in surrender, backing away towards the door. "Don't worry, I'm leaving." She shot a glare at Nina before leaving. "Congratulations."

She slammed the door behind her, running down the stairs to the street, harshly rubbing the tears off her cheeks. Vanessa and Usnavi were walking towards the club, clearly engaged in a passionate discussion about what had just happened. Benny jogged up to Usnavi, her brows knit together. 

Usnavi put a hand on her arm, her tone full of worry. "Hey, you alright?"

Benny grit her teeth before answering. "I need a drink."


	7. blackout! blackout!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the club/blackout.

The blaring music of the club combined with the flashing, multicolored lights was nearly enough to take Benny's mind off losing her job at the hands of the girl she'd liked since elementary school. But not quite-- she still made a beeline for the bar.

"Tequila shot, please."

She wasted no time downing it, the burning liquid melting away some of her anger. The bartender immediately slid her another with an understanding smile, and she took that one with the same deftness as she had the first just as Vanessa and Usnavi walked in. Benny could see Usnavi's face falter as a group of guys circled Vanessa, all clamoring for a chance to dance with her. Benny shook her head-- Vanessa didn't seem to notice Usnavi's disappointment, which only added on to Benny's bad mood. 

Usnavi walked up to the bar as Vanessa grabbed the hand of some other guy, shaking her hips to the beat.

Benny scoffed, handing Usnavi one of the never ending shots and taking her own. "Here's to getting fired."

Usnavi tapped her glass against Benny's, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, or to killing the mood." 

Benny shrugged before throwing back her shot. "Salud."

They both set their glasses on the bar and picked up full ones.

"Can you believe he did that?" Benny said. "And without even thanking me or apologizing or nothing."

"After you've busted your ass there for five long years." Usnavi replied, tapping their glasses together again. "Cheers."

"To finally getting Vanessa." Benny said before they drank. She reached over, unbuttoning Usnavi's top button. "You gotta undo that one, man." 

"Holla!" Usnavi said-- and then cringed after realizing how out of place it sounded.

Benny shook her head, laughing, and grabbed another shot. "To doing shots on a weekend."

"As long as you're buying, let's keep 'em coming!"

Benny was about to point out she'd just lost her job and didn't really have any means of paying, but Vanessa was coming over with a smile.

"Hey 'Ness! You want a drink?" Benny asked, calling the bartender over.

Vanessa opened her mouth to reply when a guy in tight black pants called out, "Hey, you!"

Vanessa turned around, her red dress fanning out around her. "Who?"

"You!"

Vanessa's brow furrowed. "Who? Me?"

"You wanna dance?" He had a cocky smirk on his face as he raised an eyebrow suggestively. 

"No, man. I've already got a date." Vanessa looked at Usnavi (whose face lit up at the word 'date') apologetically. 

"Alright, fine. But you're missing out."

"Hey, I mean, if you want to, Vanessa. Go ahead." Usnavi said, loud enough for the guy to hear.

"You...don't mind?"

Usnavi didn't seem to understand the tone behind the question, keeping a casual look on her face. "I'm totally cool with it!"

Benny tapped her on the shoulder as Usnavi watched them dance away. "Uh...who's that?"

"I don't know. Some dude, I guess."

"Some dude? That's fucked up, Usnavi! She's trying to make you jealous!"

"That's crazy. I'm not jealous! I could take all these guys on any day!" 

Usnavi handed Benny her shot before going to scare off the crowd of guys dancing near Vanessa. Benny almost set it down-- she'd lost count of how many she'd already had.

"Fuck it," she muttered to herself, and threw back that one too, looking down at the wooden bar.

"Benny? Do you think we can go outside for a minute?" 

Benny scoffed, picking up another shot and turning around at the sound of Nina's voice. Benny could hear herself starting to slur as the alcohol set in. Of course Nina managed to sneak in-- her cunning nature was something Benny had always admired. "And there she is. Naturally." 

"I'm....so, so sorry. I had no idea."

"Who even let you in here?" Benny said, ignoring Nina's apology. She put one hand around her mouth to act as an amplifier and used the other to draw attention to Nina. "Hey, yo, this is the girl who cost us our jobs today!"

Nina grabbed Benny's hand, forcing it back to her side. "I'm going to fix this. I promise."

Benny still ignored her, taking another shot. "A toast to the end of everything I've ever known."

Nina took the glass too, setting on the bar without breaking eye contact. "I think you've had enough."

"Says the girl who has it all." Benny crossed the dance floor, attempting to put some distance between them, but Nina only followed her.

"That's not fair!"

"Oh yeah? Well why don't you just run on home and ask Daddy to take care of it! He sure does love to remind me that I will NEVER be good enough for your family!" She lowered her voice, spitting the words out in an angry whisper. "Or for you." 

"You don't know me, Benny! Don't pretend to!"

"Oh, poor you!"

Nina looked like she had tears in her eyes. "I thought you were...different!"

Benny raised her shot glass in a toast. "Salud, Nina!"

Benny harshly put the glass on a table before setting off into the crowd, successfully losing Nina behind her. A girl in a yellow dress tapped Benny on the shoulder, shouting to be heard over the music.

"Do you want to dance?" She asked. Her heavily accented voice mixed with all the shots made it hard for Benny to understand.

That didn't stop Benny from grabbing the girl's hand and moving further towards the center of the crowd. "Definitely."

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Benny hoped Nina would see-- until Benny realized this girl could dance circles around her, her hips and shoulders following the rhythm perfectly. The girl leaned in to ask Benny something in Spanish, and shook her head when Benny clearly didn't understand. She rolled her eyes before walking away, smiling when she found someone dancing at more her speed. 

Benny shamefully made her way over to the bar at the same time Usnavi did.

"Yo, bartender! Two shots, por favor!"

Benny frowned. "Where's Vanessa?"

Usnavi tilted her head towards Vanessa, who was dancing behind the same guy as before, with Nina at his front.

Benny threw back the shot, trying not to focus on the urge to go tear Nina off that guy. 

"Hey, you remember that dance we made up in, like, 9th grade?" Usnavi asked.

"Uh, I guess? Why?"

"Cause I'm just drunk enough to think we should go do it."

Benny looked over at the dance floor, nodding. "Lucky for you, I'm about three shots ahead of you. Let's do it." 

Their memories, clearly, were sloppy at best. By the time they made it to the other side of the crowded dance floor and Usnavi was slapping her own ass off beat, Benny was bent over laughing. 

"Usnavi!"

Usnavi turned to see Vanessa, laughing almost as hard as Benny (who had tears rolling down her face now), holding out her hand to invite Vanessa to dance. Usnavi blushed, taking Vanessa's hand and casually saluting a goodbye to Benny. 

Usnavi had almost improved Benny's mood-- until she saw Nina dancing with the same guy as before, Nina clearly not into it anymore, not that the guy noticed (or cared). Nina said something, trying to push away, but he just spun her around, pushing their hips together.

Benny didn't think before going over and tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey, asshole!"

He brushed her off, just like everyone else in the neighborhood did. Like everyone always had. The divide between herself and the rest of the neighborhood was so painfully evident, something that had been a part of her life since she moved to Washington Heights. They'd all made sure she knew that because she didn't speak Spanish, because she wasn't Latina, she'd never be a part of their community. She'd never be good enough.

She felt 21 years of anger and loneliness in the punch she threw at the guy's face. The crack of her fist against his jaw satisfied the fury that had been bubbling up inside her her entire life-- until she felt someone grab her from behind. Chaos had erupted around her, people throwing punches and pushing each other. Benny took a hard punch to the stomach and then another to the face and she fell to the ground.

The last thing she heard before the lights went out was Nina yelling her name. Screams came from all directions, Spanish and English-- Benny had lost Nina's voice and couldn't hear her own over the sounds of panic. Memories of death counts and fatal injuries after blackouts rushed through her mind and the only thought in her head was--

"Nina!"

"Benny?"

Benny reached out in front of her. "'Nessa?"

"Benny, I can't find Usnavi!"

"I gotta find Nina, Vanessa, I'm sorry!"

She let go of her friend, wiping her bloody nose and continuing to push through the crowd. "Nina! Where'd you go?"

"Somebody better open this goddamned door!" Someone yelled, and then people started pushing even harder, all trying to get out of the pitch black room. Benny nearly slipped on someone's spilled drink before the door finally got pushed open.

"Nina! Where are you?" She yelled out into the empty street, now flooding with people pouring out of the various buildings in the area.

She started running towards the Rosario's apartment, bumping into an out of breath Kevin Rosario. "Benny! Benny, have you seen Nina?"

Benny's eyes narrowed-- apparently, starting a fight hadn't been enough to get rid of the feeling of rejection. "She's YOUR family. Why don't YOU keep track of her?" 

Without another word, Benny walked past her former boss, calling Nina's name despite what she'd said. Some people had already come outside with candles or flashlights, looking for their loved ones or just looking for a source of non-electric entertainment. Benny could hear people yelling from their fire escapes, mothers comforting their frightened children. The sound of breaking glass came from behind Benny and she turned around, only to see Nina turning a corner towards the dispatch office.

Benny ran to catch up to her. "Nina!"

Nina turned at the sound of her name and then continued walking after seeing who it was. Benny grabbed her by the wrist.

"Nina, I've been looking everywhere for you--"

Nina pushed Benny away. "I've gotta go."

Benny walked alongside her. "I'll get you out of here. My place is closer, we can just stay there for a while and--"

"I don't need anything from you tonight, Benny. I can make it home just fine without your help."

Benny shook her head, backing away. "Fine!"

All the alcohol was finally catching up to Benny by the time she started to run in the opposite direction of Nina, breaking glass and shouting still coming from further down the street. 

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, a large boom sounded out over the barrio, and a shimmering firework appeared in the sky, stopping the chaos for just a moment as everyone stopped to marvel at the spontaneous show.

The sound snapped Benny back to reality, breaking through the barrier of alcohol as she looked back in the direction she'd came. Nina hadn't made it very far at all, and she looked right at Benny just as a second firework exploded above them. 

Without a second thought, the two of them ran towards each other, meeting in the middle, just in front of Claudia's house. Benny pulled Nina close, resting their foreheads together. Another firework went off just as their lips crashed together, and Benny finally felt like she was in the right place.


End file.
